The Road to Caradhras
by Oni3
Summary: As the fellowship try desperatly to survive on Caradhras, they've all got at least something to complain about, very funny, plz RR


The Rode to Caradhras  
  
Oni: Hey ppl! What's up? Yeah, nothing much here either, now, this was written 4 school, so just bear with me on the science terms, but other than that, its generally pretty good, and I think you'll enjoy it, so go ahead and read it! It wont take u too long!  
As the fellowship trudged up Caradhras, everyone was seemingly irritated about something or other. Boromer was complaining about how Aragorn got to carry Frodo up the mountain, and was muttering something similar to 'pervy hobbit fancier.' Aragorn was tired, and missed Arwen and wanted someone to cuddle, so he decided Frodo was the perfect candidate. Sam however, did not find this amusing, and pulled a frying pan out of nowhere, and hit Aragorn hard on the head, then preceded in also mumbling about Aragorn being a pervy hobbit fancier. Legolas was off pouting about how everyone's attention was directed to Frodo and not him, and that he was most certainly prettier than Frodo, and how come no one wanted to carry him up the mountain? Gimli was mumbling something like, 'Grr! Arrg!' under his breath, Merry was bored, and Pippin was hungry. Frodo was very confused about the fight between Sam and Aragorn, and Gandalf, well, Gandalf was quite preoccupied with the fact that Saruman was making Uruk- hais.  
"Since when does Saruman know anything about science anyway? I mean, how did he create a chemical reaction from the reactants ors and goblins? And to come up with a successful product of Uruk-hai! That is unfathomable! I mean, come on, lets face it, he never did do well with chemical formulas, or even chemical equations for that matter, it was the subscripts and coefficients that always screwed him up you know." He told Aragorn all in one breath. Aragorn nodded, as he did know a thing or two about science, and Legolas gave a pouty look.  
"Don't concern me with those filthy orcs and such Gandalf, I must say it makes me sick thinking of them. UG!!!!" Legolas cringed.  
"I'm hungry" Pippin said,  
"I'm bored" Merry said.  
"And he never did believe in the law of conservation of mass, so how come he got to be the head of Isengard and I just got stuck tramping across Middle Earth with a bunch of whinny fools!" Gandalf shouted, completely ignoring Legolas, Pippin, and Merry.  
"Grr! Arrg!" Gimli growled in response.  
"Hmm," thought Aragorn, "Maybe he just does well with synthesis reactions?"  
"No," Gandalf replied annoyed, "that cant be it, he couldn't even make a decent smoothie back in second age."  
"Well, we know its not a decomposition reaction, I mean, he is using two substances." Aragorn replied, trying to be helpful.  
"Maybe a single-replacement reaction?" Frodo piped up, appearing suddenly out of nowhere.  
"Ah shut up Frodo! You think your sooo smart and sooo pretty, just because you studied with Bilbo! Well I've got news for you pal!" Legolas started, "you're not!"  
Frodo starred for a minute, blinked, than backed away, slowly. Aragorn thought a moment and then said.  
"He brings up a good point, but wouldn't you think its closer to a double-replacement reaction?"  
"I'm hungry" Pippin said,  
"I'm bored," Merry said.  
"Grr! Arrg!" Gimli replied haughtily.  
"No, I suppose your right Gimli" Aragorn sighed.  
"What makes you think you're so cool mr.knowitall? Just cause you're Isildur's ere, it doesn't make you king material!" Boromer shouted. Aragorn shrugged, and proceeded in shutting up.  
"I'm hungry," Pippin said,  
"I'm bored," Merry said.  
"And how is he making them so fast? Why it must be a catalyst! But if I know Saruman, and trust me, I do, he doesn't know a thing about catalysts! Let alone inhibitors!" Gandalf shouted frustrated, ignoring Pippin and Merry once more. Aragorn was about to say something, but stopped himself when Boromer shot him a look.  
"Brr," Gandalf shivered, "I wish we had some heat up here! All of our energy is exothermic! And there is no chance of endothermic energy in a place like this! God I wish I had paid attention in class when we learned the spell to cancel the law of conservation of energy!" They all nodded in agreement.  
"Yeah, and I'm hungry," Pippin added.  
"And I'm bored." Merry said.  
"Hhhh," Sam sighed, all hopes of warm air coming to a close, and hopes of Uruk-hai catching and eating him raising to unbelievable heights, "Mr.Gandalf, are we almost off this Godforsaken mountain!?!?!?!"  
"Yes Samwise, we are," the group smiled hopefully, "Only to turn back eventually, and then encounter a dark, dark cave." The fellowship's smiles disappeared, and they all continued sulking.  
"Hey, I didn't write the book, I just follow the plot!" Gandalf shouted. ~End  
  
Oni: Well, that's all, hope u liked it, I'll write more if I'm asked. 


End file.
